Tuesday, 6 June 2017

Study: The hypothesis that early man deep fried food is not supported by evidence.


A new paper has just been published. You read it here first.

Abstract

Evidence of early humans using the deep fry cooking method is bordering on non-existent and anyone who says otherwise is high. Further studies involving the preparation of intensely flavoursome morsels of protein may be required.

Introduction

Credit where it's due, if it weren't for the efforts and ingenuity of archaic humans, we would not be here today.  But as progressive as homo erectus and neanderthals were, there is no documented proof that these 'cavepersons' regularly deep fried their meals in animal or coconut fat. 

For starters, the whole process is time consuming and messy and monitoring oil temperature is vital in serving a meal that is cooked evenly and that family members are happy enough to eat. Then there is the clean up, which, to be completely frank, is a fucking pain in the arse.

Materials and Method

To test how time consuming and messy the deep frying process is, a used (once) deep fryer was purchased on Gumtree and a few cows' worth of dripping procured from the local supermarket.

Chicken nuggets ensued.

As did salt and pepper squid.

And to finally dispel any remaining doubt, I pulled out a recipe that is as fiddly and laborious as it is delicious...Thai stuffed prawns.
all these prawns appear to be female

prawn stuffed with more prawns that have been blended with delicious stuff



a school of stuffed prawns




Results

The food was crispy and delicious and the whole family enjoyed it immensely. The clean up process was annoyingly lengthy, involved many rolls of kitchen paper, and not something I would bother with on a regular basis. My outdoor table is covered with globs of cow fat.

Discussion

To my knowledge, no one has ever unearthed proof of neanderthals using rudimentary temperature monitors or crafting filters from the ballsack of woolly mammoth so the used oil could be cleared of impurities and stored for subsequent fry ups. 

This speculation* that neanderthals had the time, inclination and mental ingenuity to cook nuggets of meat in oil is up there with the fairy tale about them farming potatoes and grinding wheat to sprinkle on their salad.

Conclusion 

The deep fryer, when used with natural animal fats and not poisonous and unnatural seed oils, is a modern cooking tool that produces delicious morsels of nutrition. While it is possible that the neanderthal had the intelligence to render animal fat, heat it to high temperature, and immerse protein until the surface is crispy and tasty, the likelihood of them doing so is almost zero. 

*speculation that I made up because I was bored.

References

Tefal Filtra Pro User Manual

Thai Stuffed Prawns recipe from the cooking class we did on our honeymoon in Phuket.